Fleeting thoughts (published on September 14, 2004)

A worthless chap I am

One who cause sadness to this girl

Or am I a tool of God

To bring that girl to Him?

When KL messaged me just now, I was swept with feeling. Maybe I was touched. The innocence in the words and smileys in her sms reminded me of her character: her quiet strength, quiet and increasingly being vocalized confidence.

How I hope that my partner will attend church service with me. But, I suppose that I will never be happy.

I am a greedy soul.

I gobble up the ideas of this world.

It’s making me uncontented, unhappy.

“More, more, more!” I yelled.

The marginal benefit of each achievement increasingly decreases,

No longer pleasing me as much as they do in the past.

It’s a scary thought.

Could I possibly be numbed by achievements?

My heart doesn’t feel anything now.

Scary once again.

I am losing my humanness.


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