Random thoughts

The following was written while waiting for the flight to Mexico City, some 1.5 weeks ago. Warning: the following might be too introspective for your liking.

I have no idea what has been happening to me. I have … changed. In what way, you may ask. Some people perhaps call it ageing. What ageing? I am only 31 years old. How old can I be? I have no idea too. Things that I used to take pleasure in, no longer interests me. For example, I used to love travelling so much. But now, I would rather stay in the hotel room (beer, chips and cable TV is appealing nowadays) rather than to go sightseeing. Just this afternoon, I am thinking that I might prefer a cabin baggage rather than to use a backpack. It feels better on my back. Oh dear. Such thought has never occurred to me before. That I have changed is undeniable.

Recently, I am infused with thoughts of “settling down”. This comprise remaining permanently in one location, purchasing a property, building a life with someone, having kids, contributing to the community, settling into a routine, trying to exercise, having a and running with the dog, etc. I just don’t get it. What on earth is happening to me? Just 1 or 2 years ago, I have this love, this passion for travelling, to see the world. So much so that travelling is one of the items in my bucket list. But now, I just want to stay at home, go to work, play with the kids and the dog. I don’t want many changes. This is incredulous. I always thought of myself as one who embraces changes and now I am clamouring for stability and predictability? Maybe there is a demon in me. A demon like one of those that Peggy has exorcised during their cell group meetings. A demon resistance to change. A demon that claimed my body ever since I lived in Mexico.

I fear that I am not making a difference in this/my life. That I keep working. Working without realising my potential, my calling in life. Life can’t just be about work, earning money, getting married and having kids, doing the occasional travelling, saving and investing for retirement, and dying. At least not for me. But you ask me – so, if this is not what you are supposed to do, which the majority of the population is doing, what then is your calling or vocation or purpose in life? I tell you, I have absolutely no idea what I am supposed to be doing (which is not entirely true since I knew from a relatively young age that my calling is to be a teacher).

According to my natal chart, my 10th house aka midheaven is aquarius which uncannily pointed out that at some point in my life, I will have a career switch regardless of whether it is a deliberate choice of mine. What is interesting is that in calculating my natal chart, there is an adjustment of 7 hours which in effect, I am born on July 18, the birthday of Nelson Mandela and John Armstrong! I am destined for greatness!

Looking out of the window of AeroMexico, I see land illuminated by amber, silver lighting. Incidentally, how did the expression fairy light come about? The view reminded me of the weekly ferry ride back to Palau Tekong, an island for military training for Singaporean males, for some reason. During the ride, inevitably I would look at the skies, the clouds. It reminded me of a big world out there for me to explore, a future of mine waiting for me, a purpose of mine to fulfill.

Here’s some beautiful works of God for your viewing pleasure:

 

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