While going to Shane’s house today, I was listening to 92.4FM. There was this music with a basso continuo played by the harpsichord. “It must be baroque music” I thought. I was struck by the blatant humourous mood of the piece. It was very lively. Then I remembered how Shane played my Bach piece – with crispness, clarity and lightness. I thought that I want to produce a light and humourous mood with my Bach too.
Huiyi was deep frying prawns today. The fattening oil smell was filling the entire kitchen. As I walked over to her, I commented “it’s fried prawns again”. After I left the kitchen, she shouted “If you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it!” I realised that I have been damn insensitive towards her. That she takes the effort to cook something which isn’t easy and yet have to receive complaints from ungrateful brats like me. I realised that its very easy to be rude to my family members. If I had treated my friends like how I have treated my family members, I probably wouldn’t be that popular.
I got an impression from God that on top of reading Christian books, I should be feeding on his word too.
God blessed me with the visit of Zhiming’s friend, Weiling today. I’m inspired by her passion towards clarinet playing. Somehow, my interest for intense practice on the piano has rekindled today. I spent 2 hours playing Bach’s prelude after Zhiming and Weiling left today. I recorded myself on my mobile phone and I actually like what I had heard! Amazing. I kind of feel happy. Maybe I can pass my exams after all. That’s still hope for me. I decided that I will practise like what I did when I just started learning piano. Hence, I made up my mind not to go for NBS FOC next week!
Wonderful God, wonderful saviour.
That I have been unkind to Huiyi and disturbed Dorothy verbally.
For Weiling today. Shane. Roy.
For Roy’s business and health. For tai tai complete recovery and relieve her of any pain. Encouraging and kind words from my mouth. Healthy grandmum with strong legs. What to do with grandpa. Pass piano exam and passion to practise intensely.
2003 June 23
Wanted to Mindy? to check whether there’s discount for NBS FOC since I will only turn up 3 out of 5 days. Was scared of calling. I think I fear social contact and interaction.
Yesterday I was involved in a brief skit during JC as King Soloman. Linda and Felicity acting were super! Very dramatic and funny.
I lack the motivation to do things nowadays. It’s a lot of “ai mai, ai mai” attitude. I still wonder whether because it’s fengshui. One part of me can’t help thinking I have been successful in the past because of this particular furniture arrangement. Why don’t I rearrange the furniture so that I can be successful again?
I wasted the afternoon and early evening again. Did nothing constructive. I have to be more disciplined.
Went to sgboy.com yesterday to check up the forums of NTU, NUS and SAFbands. There seems to be few posts in NTU – not very promising. I think going to the website for the motive of checking up the university is okay. Come to think of it, I experienced guilt and distance from God usually after visiting the website for its pics and stories. I didn’t feel much yesterday.
Holy, holy, holy God.
For making Dorothy cry on Sat. Shouldn’t have bullied her.
For the JC sermon yesterday. I am special! for the approach JC team that I’m with.
Discount for NBS FOC.
Discipline and passion in my life. Abolish idea of fengshui. For mum and Kunqiang and Ben to trust God and return to God.
Grandmum for healing of leg. Peace and love in family.
Yesterday, after having lunch with my aunties and sister and cousins at the Ship, I wandered in Orchard Road. Went to Borders and didn’t buy anything as most CDs are > $20. I intended to go to Takashimaya’s Kinokuniya but turned back halfway. “If I am not going to buy any books from there, what’s the point in me going?” I suppose if I have had more money or rather abundant money, I can buy anything my family and I and friends like.
Actually, instead of wandering in Orchard Road, I could have gone home and done some constructive stuff. But then what constructive stuff? …
Corrine, Carine and Paul came over in the evening for my “piano workshop”. It’s more like three 1+1 coaching. I think it’s fun teaching students as a group. Asking other students to teach their classmates is a very good idea too.
Received a big envelope yesterday. It contained brochures of various FOC details. So NBS FOC isn’t the only one around. Good. I’d better join at least one of these camps. I don’t want to end up being a lone ranger when university starts.
You are not a God who takes pleasure in evil, with you the wicked don’t dwell..
Can’t think of any actually. Lord, I’m sorry for any errors I have done unconsciously, intentionally.
Thank you God for my supportive cell group members! I couldn’t have survived without them.
Pray that I will be popular and have lots of friends in NTU (by God’s grace and mercy since I don’t deserve it.
That I pass my piano exam.
That I abstain from all xxx websites.
I thank God for giving me Chee Kin – a wonderful friend. He has done all things that a friend would do and he’s been very tolerant of me, something that an ordinary friend wouldn’t be. I mustn’t take him for granted. Heaven has been very kind to me …
I’m crying all of a sudden. I don’t know why. I just feel that everyone is treating me very nicely. Do I deserve it? I seriously don’t think that I do. But, they are still doing so. It makes me so guilty. That I’m like creating problems and troubles for them, but they are still so nice to me. I’m really touched to tears.
Take Benjamin for example, he offered a car ride to take me to the nearest bus stop because it was raining that day. He did it even though he had no prior approval from his mum. I’m really touched by his gesture. T think that he can still offer me such a ride (although it might be a small matter to him) when I keep critising his playing of the piano. I think I discouraged him a lot in his learning of the piano.
Take Ms Lim just now. I wanted to change the paino lesson to another date/time. I guess I must have sounded too apologetic. Then she said “Everyone is doing so – why don’t you do so too?” She’s really a very nice woman. She’s one of the people that I will forever respect and remember.
I want to be a successful person, a leader to be exact. But being the VP of SACO made me realise that I’m still not much of a leader up to now. That is, if compared to Huiyi. Can we objectively say that SACO was successful under her leadership and many members were actually happy at heart? Maybe she has made most people happy if not all. But she’s definitely pretentious, I wouldn’t deny that. I wouldn’t dismiss the possibility that perhaps a leader must possess that quality. I know that with time, I will have come up with my own definition of what a leader entails.
Sex… A taboo subject/topic in Singapore and Asian countries where the societies are generally more conservative than their western counterpart.
I want to clarify something. The difference between sex and making love is represented in the following Venn diagram: [making love is a subset of sex]. Basically, the diagram means that making love is a subset of having sex. Sex invovles penetration of the penis into the vagina (technically of course) while making love does not necessarily mean so. How the technical definition of having sex poses a question for partners of the same gender. Since there are no vagina involved when two guys make love, then can they ever have sex together? Maybe I’m trapped by the boundaries of language. Why should couples have sex but not make love? Incidentally, a question is posed. Does it mean that even after making love to someone of your own gender, you are still a virgin as there’s no penis penetrating into the vagina? Ha! This is a tricky question especially for lesbians. For gays, at least the penis can penetrate the asshole. Incidentally, I ask myself: is virginity really important? Which brings me to the question: why is virginity important in the first place? Maybe because you are reserving your first time, which is sacred and holy, for your loved one? But isn’t the act of love making sacred and holy too?